Invitation To Finn’s Birthday Saturnalia


It’s that time of year again: Finn’s Birthday Saturnalia. For those of you that asked for the recipe for my hummus birthday cake from last year- it’s included at the end.

In Lieu of presents, we request you memorize a Gaelic folk song and perform the narrative accompanied with wooden instruments, preferably a hand-whittled recorder. And please consider making an outfit from organic, Himalayan fiber- I can barter fabric that I’ve woven on my loom, if needed.

If you suffer from stage fright and are unable to perform a song for Finn, please consider seeing my Peruvian medicine man, Yonatan Castañeda, for a past life regression to get to the source of the pain. You can also gather inspiration below as to what has inspired Finn after this year’s summer solstice for a spiritually appropriate gift for the fourth year he’ll complete a circle around the sun.

As many of you know, Finn has taken an interest in forest conservation and can often be found in his room feverishly taking notes. When I first noticed this interest, I encouraged it by speaking with him in great detail. He was quite responsive- even hurling his chakra-balancing sippy cup we received from a Guatemalan shaman across the room in reckless excitement. Perhaps you might want to talk to him about humans killing the earth at his Saturnalia. After all, we want to fill the day with fun on Finn’s 4th birthday!

die hippp
Finn’s notes on conservation 

As I’ve discussed with many of you at numerous drum circles, Finn also has a serious interest in Ancient Greek. He spends many afternoons stoically wandering through our edible landscape not unlike a young Socrates, pondering the deeper philosophical questions perplexing us all. Talk to Finn about philosophy at his Saturnalia, and if possible, do so in Ancient Greek. Since he’s only three years old, you may also have to use hand puppets.

Knife juggling, sword swallowing, and fire eating are also encouraged. Finn found these medieval displays quite to his liking at the rainbow gathering last year. A word of caution: please only swallow swords if you know what you’re doing. I don’t want someone to die and have a repeat of last year’s Saturnalia. Death can truly cast a pall over a gathering. I know that now.

And of course, we will have my shaman at the door to rid you of any negative energy as you enter the Saturnalia. As you may remember, we don’t believe in eating with spoons, forks, or knives. There is too much cultural aggression and appropriation that’s tied to cutlery and it is strictly forbidden.

I look forward to seeing you all there- a good time will be had by all.

*Please look for the full story of Finn’s Birthday Gathering next month on the blog I publish on my hand-cranked printing press. I pass it out each week at the Portland Farmer’s Market at 11ish.

Hummus Birthday Cake:

Prepare hummus

Stick a candle in it


birthday hummus



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